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Je dois ce moment de calme au sérum. Les vagues de tremblements qui me jetaient au sol ces dernières semaines se sont calmées, j’ai cessé de sentir des déplacements sous ma peau. Je sais que tout cela est lié au liquide orange qui suinte de mes plaies. Ma propre substance se glisse hors de moi, goutte à goutte, je ne peux la garder mais par un horrible miracle je vis encore… Je ne dors plus, je guette le moindre mouvement, je suis à la fois le chasseur et la proie. Quelque chose d’horrible se produit que je ne peux retenir… Sinon, peut-être, grâce au sérum. J’en ai encore deux deux caisses pleines. Le sérum a le goût et l’acidité d’un mauvais bourbon, je le sens même maintenant qui me brûle les entrailles mais grâce à lui j’ai trouvé un peu de répit, je peux marcher sans avoir le dos courbé comme un vieillard. Valesi me dit de prier… Je n’ai que faire de sa pitié ! Des lutteurs s’opposent, que le plus fort gagne… Si mon corps capitule, je garderai assez de rage pour me traîner jusqu’au fleuve et m’y noyer.

Je partirai, mais pas maintenant, pas encore. Beaucoup de choses à régler encore, mais il ne faut pas traîner. Il me faudra un véhicule, je pourrais voler le camion de Lazy Jack, mais je me méfie de ce serpent. Ma faiblesse me contraint à la ruse… Je dois escalader cette montagne, lui arracher ses secrets.

Quelle importance que vous me lisiez ou pas ? Je saisis l’occasion, puisque j’ai revu Lazy Jack, comme vous pouvez vous en douter. Son camion est apparu avant-hier sur la piste, souffreteux et malade. J’étais sous l’auvent avec ma machine à écrire quand il est arrivé. Le jeune Young l’a reçu personnellement et lui a fait servir un grog. Je me suis fait discret : le procurator attendant impatiemment qu’un Noir sale comme un singe ai fini de se réchauffer, ça prête à rire n’est-ce pas ? Ce damné Lazy Jack a longuement profité de son moment de réconfort : je l’ai vu boire son rhum gorgée par gorgée, se détendre les jambes, demander une cigarette. Je l’ai vu glisser avec avidité son regard vers Consolación, qui attendait auprès de Young. Et, enfin, comme ce dernier s’impatientait, le Noir a fini par sortir de l’intérieur de sa veste un paquet enveloppé d’une matière transparente. Isaac Young l’a saisi avec une avidité qui m’a révulsé, l’a ouvert sur place, déballant du matériel médical, des seringues à injection, des fioles. Je sais reconnaître un drogué quand j’en aperçois un, j’ai compris pourquoi le patriarche avait envoyé son fils loin de lui pour défricher la jungle…

Plus tard, Young a emmené Consolación à l’étage, lui serrant le poignet. Lazy Jack est ressorti, il est passé devant moi, m’a aperçu, s’est insinué sous mon appentis. Je déteste ce mélange de ruse et de servilité. Il m’a dit :
– Je peux toujours expédier des lettres, si tu veux. Je retourne bientôt à Basie. Peut-être même que là-bas ils auront quelque chose pour toi... Ils te connaissent bien maintenant. Il faudra que tu me rendes un service.

Une tempête bouillonnait en moi, j’étais prêt à me battre, à tuer, et en même temps je voulais hurler mon impuissance… Je ai laissé Lazy Jack parler jusqu’au bout, je me tenais juste assis derrière ma machine ; je devais me retenir pour ne pas la lui fracasser sur la tête. Il m’a regardé longtemps, le regard aussi fixe et morne que celui d’un serpent… S’il s’attendait à ce que je le supplie, il s’est trompé. Je n’ai rien dit, je l’ai suivi jusqu’à son camion, nous avons déchargé trois caisses pleines de sérum. Lazy Jack a baissé les yeux. Il est resté cette nuit-là, passant la nuit dans son camion. Hier, il a passé la journée couché sous le véhicule à tenter de le remettre en marche.

J’ai gardé les caisses, je les ai installées dans mon appentis. Valesi a redit que je n’étais pas obligé d’aller aux friches. Le soir, je distribue le sérum à ceux qui le demandent… Ils sont plus nombreux que je le pensais, mais personne ne suinte comme moi. Et Isaac Young n’est pas reparu jusqu’à ce matin.

Je l’ai vu passer dans le hall, la peau blanche, les yeux caves, il a couru dehors et s’est offert à la pluie. Consolación le suivait de peu, son pas était lent, elle descendait l’escalier comme si elle marchait dans un rêve. Elle portait son uniforme blanc, elle m’a paru un fantôme d’une stupéfiante beauté… Young ne nous voyait pas : j’ai marché vers elle, je lui ai saisi le bras, j’ai retroussé sa manche. De nombreuses marques rouges lui piquaient la chair, sous l’épaule, à la saignée du coude. Des marques de vampire. Elle a retiré son bras, elle paraissait en colère contre moi, elle a fait le mouvement de partir. Sans savoir pourquoi alors, j’ai dit ces mots : je vous emmènerai. Qu’avais-je dit ? Mes paroles l’ont frappée au cœur, ses yeux se sont voilés de larme, elle a posé sa main sur la mienne. Elle a soupiré : oui… oui… Puis elle allait ajouter quelque chose, mais Young revenait et elle s’est détournée... Vous comprendrez donc que je garde pour Young une braise allumée… Je souffle parfois dessus afin qu’elle reste ardente...

Lazy Jack repart, mes lettres avec lui. Qui que vous soyez, si vous lisez, répondez !

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